you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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