Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
