And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
