Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
