My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
