Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
