Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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