just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
