she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was confusing and full of hummus
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
