Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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