You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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