Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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