I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
