I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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