shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
