we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
