I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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