We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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