its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
