I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
