Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize