Pants 0. Shit 1.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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