This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
