my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
