he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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