you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
