3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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