I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
