absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
