Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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