i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
