I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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