right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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