True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
