After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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