I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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