can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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