Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
