How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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