I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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