K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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