Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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