were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
