I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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