i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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