This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
