My friends, they love my intelligence
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
