just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
