So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
