i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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