Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
