So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
