Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
