as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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