I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
