You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
