I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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