i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
