I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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