I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
