I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
