Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
