right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
