A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
