btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
this hospital has no fireball
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
