What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
