guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
