I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
