Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we're so committed to being not committed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
