I'm drive I can fine osifer
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
