You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
