if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
