The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
