I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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