It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
