he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
