I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
