Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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