i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I need to calm my uterus...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
