I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
