I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
