This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
