Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
