dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
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Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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