He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
