I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
