So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
