think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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